Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
