I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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