You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
