Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
