good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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