I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Drunk is not a location!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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