Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
