I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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