I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
