dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
