allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
