Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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