I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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