This girl is more easily done than said...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
