new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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