That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
