I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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