I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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