Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
