There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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