I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
