y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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