We won't sleep together?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
