Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
