You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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