my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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