i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
