pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
