Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
