yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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