I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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