i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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