I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
