just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
