ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
