apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
