Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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