If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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