I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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