Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
