trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
