To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
