I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize