Your dad touched me again.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
