there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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