I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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