I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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