The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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