we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
