You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
