I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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