I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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