So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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