And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
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I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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