Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
