On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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