You smell like stripper and shame
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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