Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I touched a dick in church today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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