im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize