4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
