If i come over, it means nothing
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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