So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
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You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize