she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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